Cockroach
by Skybot4
Summary: Roach just had to open his big mouth and say it.


Type: Modern Warfare 2  
Title: Cockroach  
Genre: Humor  
Main Character(s): Roach  
Rating: T

"Whoa!" Roach opened his eyes from deep thought.

Meat turned sideways on the bed to Roach's direction. "What?"

Roach stood from his chair, "I just realized something."

"And what's that?" Worm had now entered the room and flopped onto the nearest bed. Roach bit his lip on deciding if he should tell them, Meat threw a pillow at his head for the hesitation.

Roach fell to the ground and threw it back at Meat, calling him a jerk. He stood back up, "I'm glad that my name is Roach and not Cockroach."

Meat picked at his teeth, "Why's that?"

Roach raised his arms, "Because then you guys would make a nickname out of it!"

Worm took off his jacket, "And that would be..?"

Roach stayed silent and stared at Meat. He stared back with confusion. Meat opened his mouth to say something, but then his eyes widened. Worm noticed and Roach blushed.

"Cock!" Meat yelled loud.

Roach blushed and covered his face, "MEAT!"

Meat laughed and fell off the bed, "We should've called you that in the beginning!"

Worm thought it out, "Cock? Cockroach… Roach. Nickname… COCK!" Worm turned at Roach, "That could've BEEN your nickname! Man, you're lucky it didn't happen!"

Meat raised himself up from the bed and ran for the door, "Wait till' I tell the others!"

Roach stood up and ran for him, "Meat, NO..!" But he tripped on a blanket.

Meat ran to the cafeteria doors and kicked the doors open. He stepped in with arms wide, "I have news, my friends!"

Rocket chirped, "Are we getting vacation?"

Meat looked down in shame, "No, but DAMN we need one."

Chemo raised his hand, "Did they send us girls?"

Meat shook his head, "Like they'll ever send us a GIRL."

Royce spoke with a bored tone, "You're a homo?"

Meat glared at Royce, "No and fuck you."

Royce ignored the insult, "Then what's the 'good news'?"

Meat grinned and jumped onto a table, "Roach's new nickname shall be..!" Roach stumbled into the cafeteria, but it was too late. "Cock!"

Roach screamed, "AAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

Everyone stared at Roach and Meat. Royce turned to Meat, "Wait, what?"

Meat sat down on the table, "Roach was saying that he's glad we didn't him the nickname Cockroach because then we'd call him…"

Roach whimpered, "Don't say it…"

Meat threw his arms up, "Cock!"

Everyone looked on with thought. Archer spoke, "So if he's ever taken hostage…"

Ozone looked at Archer, "We'll say 'give us our Cock back'…"

Everyone went silent.

"Holy SHIT, YES!" Scarecrow yelled.

Roach face palmed, "Fuck my life."

Chemo stood, "We're at front lines, what do we say?"

Rocket slapped Roach on the back, "Fuck em', Cock!"

Meat pointed at Archer, "We can't find him!"

Archer grinned, "Where's Task Force's Cock?"

Meat nodded at Scarecrow, "How big is he?"

Scarecrow looked at Roach, "Cock's pretty big, Sir!"

Meat gave Scarecrow a fist pump, "Men, I think you all know what we must do now."

Roach looked up with hope, "We're all gonna forget this and stop calling me 'Cock'?"

Meat laughed, as did the others, and exclaimed, "Hell no!"

Rocket gave Roach a noogie, "We're gonna tell Captain and Ghost!"

Roach groaned, "You guys are the WORST."

Royce crossed his arms, "Don't worry, Roach. I'm sure they'll handle it maturely."

Meat smirked, "Says you. Never know how they'll react to anything."

Royce glared, "Like the time you brought in porn?"

The others laughed while Meat turned red, "That was by ACCIDENT! Someone snuck it in my pack!"

Royce took Roach from Rocket, "Who? The elves that drank Roach's hot chocolate? Or maybe it was the ninjas that hid a scorpion in Chemo's pillow?"

Chemo shivered at the thought, "Still have nightmares about that scorpion."

Meat headed for the door, "Okay, we're off track now. LET'S GO."

"Ghost, what do you think you're doing to Roach's file?" Mactavish asked as he walked into the room. Ghost glanced at him, mumbled something, and turned his attention back to the file. Mactavish grabbed the file out of Ghost's hands and hit him in the head with it.

Ghost gave a yelp, "Ow! What do you think you're doing?"

Mactavish glared, "What do you think YOU'RE doing? You can't be looking at Roach's files!"

Ghost stared at the file, few moments passed. Ghost looked back at him, "Why not?"

Mactavish waved the file, "You can't go looking at it because it's personal!"

"… Do you know what his blood type is?"

"No..?"

Ghost pumped his fist into the air, "HA! One more thing I know about him that you don't!" Mactavish faced palmed. Just as he did, the crew from the cafeteria came.

Meat pushed Roach in, "Captain! Ghost! Guess what Roach's new nickname is gonna be now!"

Mactavish furrowed his eyebrows, "New nickname?"

Ghost crossed his arms, "What're you all talking about?"

Scarecrow spoke, "Roach said that he was glad that his nickname wasn't Cockroach because then everyone would've given him another nickname with it!"

Mactavish looked at Roach, "And that would've been..?"

Meat slapped Roach on the back, "You go tell him, Roach!"

Roach blushed and looked at the ground, mumbling. Archer snickered, "I don't think they heard, Roach. Speak louder."

Roach then spoke louder but not loud enough for Mactavish or Ghost to hear. Rocket pinched Roach's cheeks, "Come on, mate. Just say it."

Roach yelled, "IT'S COCK. OKAY? THE NICKNAME FOR COCKROACH WOULD'VE BEEN COCK." Rocket flinched and jumped back, the others stayed silent, Ghost stared with wide eyes, and Mactavish stifled a chuckle. Roach noticed the chuckle and was near tears, "C-captain! D-don't laugh! It's not funny!"

Mactavish waved dismissively, "I'm sorry, Roach." He paused to let out a small chuckle, "I just thought about it. If you were taken hostage, we would've asked them to 'give our Cock back'."

Ozone chirped, "That's what me and Archer said!"

Ghost stroked his chin in thought, "Very clever." Roach gave a puppy dog look. Ghost noticed immediately and shielded his eyes.

Mactavish gave an amused smile and held out his arms, "Scottish hug?"

Roach wiped the near tears and glared, "Captain, I'm not some sissy!"

Mactavish set his arms down, "No hug then."

Meat scratched the back of his head, "Still think that would've been awesome."

Rocket crossed his arms in thought, "And all the enemy would think about is what we said…"

Ghost spoke, "Actually, the best nickname I've heard was 'Slut'."

Silence.

"THERE'S ACTUALLY BEEN A GUY NAMED 'SLUT'?"


End file.
